Current Mood: Sleepy and fatigued
Listening to: Black eyed peas - dirty dancing

Hurray... the hectic week ends today at 12:45 wif an automated remedy of my perturbed mind... I was momentarily at lost as i walked out of the school. Simply becos, i reminisced the past again, where this time i am most prob wif that someone... Where is that person now? Is that person happy? i really missed the days, i missed the sweet memories, i missed the everything, i missed the kiss without you knowing, do u? or is it that all i have done was just another form of entertainment for u? DO you noe how much i have loved you? Why can't it be simple?

my train of thoughts was obstructed by RaCHEL BEE wif her UsuAL LOUD but ADDICTIVE laughter.. i muz say she scores full marks in voice projection man... We are so lame that we laughed like mad la.. It was really abs training session wif her man..

After much exaggerated laughters, i proceeded to somerset to meet Summer... haha she preferred to be called summer but trust me she DONT LOOK summer lo haha... C'mon look at her OVERWHELMING FATS saying hello to me every moment... The first thing i did was to show her this quote" If u think u r fat, U probably are.. so dont ask" haha.. HAiyo.. jokin nia la..relax. I am not mean la, juz that we criticise everytime we see each other.. so its nothing special... Oh and she was so called saddened wor... when i mentioned her aHem.. haha Unrequitted love? but anywayz we catched a movie " COnnie ANd Carla ".. Thnks to her argument wif me about abortion, we bought the tix at $8.50.. Seems that i have upgraded to OUB hor... Kaoz.. The show i must say was quite nice la.. wif the two gals who poses as transexuals... I exceptionally love this phrase " U got only one life, The choice is yours to choose as long as u are happy " AFter this line... i pondered and well i changed my perception of Transexuals.. Well they are humans too.. maybe they feel better and happier after a sex change...

Singapore is really getting frustrating nowadays... The censorship system sux too la.. which country actually have censors that are like R21? pls lo america the highest is like NC17.. crap.. Whatever la.. they are juz forcing ppl to download more pirated movies.. so 3 cheers for their futile efforts... WhatEVER!

***THE FOLLOWING CONTENT IS RATED M18***

Just a joke... i dont have sexual content la.. juz that i would like to share many trivia information bout me wor.. Uninterested parties can simply press alt F4... thnks haha... Well.. Seriously, i really think that People are really sinking into this SHALLOW CULTURE.... it is by no doubt that many ppl juz go for looks... i just dont understand... That also explains part of the increasing divorce rates in singapore lo... Why not try to love someone for who he/she is rather than judging them... WE all JUDGE... When ppl wear pink, we judge... This has become a common phenomenal.. indirectly making the definition of love blurred... What is really love? I once thought loving someone is committing and sacrificing with a certain chemistry involved. I was wrong...

I realised i wasnt that innocent when i was young.. Well i lost my first kiss when i was like K2? i have muffy recollection but i do remember it happened during the screening of a play. As we know, we kids are paired up wif gals and held our hands like so cute la.. But now if this were to happen, we rather kill ourself as if there is no tomorrow lo... Then i was this little boy who experienced my first temptation wif this gal K. As the lights dim, my heart palpitated... I knew something was coming, but was unsure... There i was watching the play halfway and a sudden watery sensation pass thru my lips wif a luscious touch... It was wet, it was messy, it was short, yet it was memorable.. I was shocked but it was so sweet la... Well the teacher of course witnessed this and alarmed my mother which i became the laugh stock of her colleagues.. BLEAH! Haiyo so pai Seh...

To tell you the truth, i have never really fell in love before until secondary 3 where
i first known this gal P.. she was really caring, understanding or shld i say knows alot bout me? I was attracted by her kindness, attracted by her good nature... Gosh.. her character was like exceptional... But we were really good frens at first.... I was confused at that time, yes i was indeed... I was lost, i was stucked, i resisted many times but eventually gave in and confessed my love for her.. HOWEVER... I realised my love for her is just unrequitted.. She had already set her eyes wif another guy... Hmm.. i was sad.. i cried for the first time since very long time.... I was lost... I doubted myself.. LOVE? what is this silly obession about? I was affected but i did get over it recently.... It was really overwhelming... but at least i dared, at least i tried...

I have only two real love in my life.. The more emotional comes wif a tragic end for me but a happy ending for that person.. my life is depressing, yet i went thru it, yet it was a dramatic and unbelievable experience for me... I dont fall in love easily but when it does, it always end wif a twist, an enigma... it was like a fairy tale gone mad, a book without the ending or a movie without sound... My second love, which i will talk bout it next time i blog... its gonna be exciting wor...
The second love started wif sweetness, went thru wif anticipation and surprises but ended wif tears to neutralise everything that has occurred... its not easy, its hard for me, its not normal, but i have experienced it... i have changed my perception of love, i have sacrificed, i have i have......

GoSh sOrri ah Diary.. it has been 3 days since i updated u... hmm guess what? i have changed ur outlook liao wor.. so more hao kan liao hor haha.. Okay i am juz being lame.. Now i am listening to : Faith Hill There u Be... Whoa... Mood changed.

Okay JUNE HAPPY BIRTHDAY WOR!!! i will give ur pressie soon k haha.. dont worry la.. how can i not give u pressie rite? haha 

This weekend is drastic. Why?

Firstly, thnks to The teachers in charge of sea sports, we had to rush the raft making and all.. Hmm "THANKS" AH... Feel like sitting on them lo.. fen mei mei come help me !! haha my butt not tt big..but doesnt mean ur butt big noe.. haha cos i noe u gonna slap me.. But dont everytime slap me to batam leh.... haha 

Now, i am grasping my hand together.. My mood is solemn.. I pray, yes i pray... After the tormenting struggle wif the sickness.. my "lao yi" as in my grandma's sister died... Life is so unpredictable.. i get scared.. i am not sure... i have mixed feelings.. what if, what if my beloved grandma were to also.. .Choi choi!! i dont wanna think bout it.. I learnt that we muz not take ppl for granted as we never noe what happens tomorrow.. Grandma.. I love YA!

Now for the mood change... Korean Fever unconsciously hit me hard again!! haha Goodness la.. i am so addicted to all the melo drama.. Hmm.. Then there is Won bin ... whoa My idol sia.. So flawless la.. Rock on.. Dont worry Keira Knightley and eva mendes.. u r still my idol!!!haha

Hmm over the weekend, i have pondered.. in fact i have thought thru so deeply.. and i realised... i was such a fool... I was alwayz there for u but i realised my love is juz another entertainment to u... but nevetheless i have never regretted loving u... Wish ya all the best... 

Now i am.. having to pass thru all the heavy work in sch, gradually sinking into detachment from the believe in real love.. How naive was i, alwayz searching upon true love when ppl dont even noe what exactly that is.. I mean yes ppl claimed  they yearn for true love.. but when it actually comes.. they realise its not as expected.. Then they sink deeper into shallow relationships and mistook infatuations as love.. Hmm its like wadeva..

Anyway i have better aspirations!! I have a few thoughts these few weeks.. I am so wanting to do some business jobs or consultant that travels alot.. Whoa.. that is so me la.. Anywayz.. i wan to tell australia that.. I MISS U!! haha... 

So much happened.. so much shocks.. yet i SurVIVED!! haha as in emotionally la.. and now i am like some xiao da bor.. staring and smiling at the screen.. hmm thats pretty scary ya... anywayz have to go liaoZz.. I shall end wif my story that i have written for those who have not seen.. haha i mean i took a lot effort to write ma.. of course muz hao lian abit ma haha.... Need to change the encoding to UNICODE wor.. kk SHoo!!

我们的故事
 
            就这样, 我独自一人渐渐地从你身边离去. 可能没有了我, 你也因此过得更快乐. 也许对你来说, 这样你也没有了负担, 不必再想尽一千零一个理由来远离我. 但你可知道吗? 知道我所想要的结果. 也许我在你心里已经没有位置, 但你可知道你在我心里占了那么多吗? 也许我在麻木中不惜一切地告诉自己你是真的爱我, 但这也是我唯一能盼望的结果, 不是吗?
 
            我能说出一百个理由去爱你, 但为何也能说出一百个理由去恨你呢? 坚强的我抵挡不住我对你的爱, 变得更脆弱. 你是否要让我在脆弱中用沉默来解脱一切? 是否要让我忍着眼泪, 自己在眼泪中沉没? 我所以会变得那么脆弱, 也不就是因为我真实的对待这份感情.
 
            以前的我盼望见每天的你,. 每次有人提起你的名字我就会脸红. 和你合照的照片, 怎么看来看去都不厌倦? 但盼望已被忍耐带过. 快乐也只是一瞬间的逗号, 失落才是永远的句号, 无法延续的终点. 好多时候, 我独自徘徊着, 告诉自己不会再为你而黯然泪下, 但是我做不到. 我只知道自己必须勇敢地为这份感情扮演好绝色; 知道欺骗自己是每天的早餐, 渴望是每天的午餐, 失望是每天的晚餐. 但我愿意每天这样度过, 至少知道自己还有希望的余地.
 
            如今的我已从麻木中解脱. 我一直告诉自己要忘了吧, 但为何还有眼泪停在我脸颊? 也许那眼泪是告诉自己这是最好的结局. 我不会再流泪, 不会再告诉自几你是爱我的. 我只是明白了回忆也只不过是另外一副在我脑海里的画, 是我一辈子的遗憾. 我已从你的不认真中, 清清楚楚地知道我在你心里的地位. 我并没有谴责你. 我没有权力能谴责你, 只是谴责自己很傻地付出那么多. 亲爱的为什么, 我不会再麻烦你了. 我已经了解到自己爱一个人是那么的卖力. 从回忆和明白中, 我已亲手为我们的故事写下了永恒的句号......