Dont PhuNk wIf Ma HeArt

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Just a blog about a confused boy

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Thursday, March 31, 2005

Alright.. Officially.. I am M18 !

Ahem.. so i guess i can so called officially go Zouk... hmm i feel so evil.. i am so gonna go in and after i party enough i going to call the police and insist there are many minors inside.. -evil grinz- ..alright.. thats just joking..i where got so bad?

Hmm.. come to think of that.. ever since 16... 16 is should i say eye opener... 18 is more of reaching for sophistication... chimalogy? hmm in simple context.. at 16 i can only strip half naked.. but now i can strip totally.. lol..

O gosh... and i can get married... -ponders in sheer delight-

Okay its like too early to like talk bout marriage..but then i have frens already married.. hmm i am old already.. but then some guy was like telling me i still cannot officially watch porn or whatever.. i was like..since when ppl watch porn wif legal age? ( but that does not mean i am a pornographic no life teenager )...

I can now join maybe half of the lao ah pek at Outram PArk YangZe Cine Complex, carrying a smaller umbrella (cause most of the lao chee ko pek are carrying big ones but i am just amateur ), drooling at the posters that barely wear anything.. but then i still cannot get into R21 movies..but i will act like i am old enough..cos i am amateur chee-ko-pek-to-be anywayz.. lol.. and 3 years later i shall die at YangZe wif over dosage of Viagra causing Singapore first one of a kind victim of PE... PErmanant erection... haha..okay this is getting sexual.. i shall stop...i am high now la..cant help it...

This morning was the worse birthday morning i tell u.. Mother nagged and scolded me.. like wtf.. i dont wanna talk bout it.. i only know my day started with my eyes a little teary but i was strong against her harsh words.. fuck it.. then went to sch.. VP fuck me up with some lecturing because of being late for sch.. o wells.. Bubu was like asking me why i keep putting black face..but this dearest friend of mine sure made me smile.. haha... Thanks!

Then i received many pressies today and i tell u i am elated! woohoo... I thought i may not like the perfume the guys bought for me.. But u noe what! i love it! its so nice la the packaging.. and MANLY haha... er irony... never mind.. I love the boxers and the G-string too...lol so nice.. and of course Alvin they all de tshirts.. hmm..how wonderful la today...

Then went to watch House of Fury wif the class.. LAME!! haha thats what i can say.. but then Gillian cheung quite chio la.. Daniel wu also quite handsome.. both little droolz... Then went to meet Jas after cutting hair wif Hong.. er wait..i did not cut.. Wanted to see her madly haha.. cos she's my darling after all.. lol... Then met quite a number of ppl in town..

Today was fun day for me... But then.. as i sat right here, right now, scrolling my hp.. i realised... u did not message... never mind... i guess u never will anywayz... I am just a date and go object.. okay nitex ppl...

A BIG THANKS TO EVERYONE!

|| Benji LuStEd aT 10:50 PM ||

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Woohoo!

Ah.. Cutie Patrick Star.. everytime i look at him.. it just makes me laugh till i almost died... that spastic yet cute look..hmm... okay so i have not been blogging for long... cos of sch work la.. been so exhausted by everything...

Anywayz.. today i am in super good mood.. But morning i saw this J1 gal and i actually 0.
dont wanna bitch bout her la..but her foundation is really too thick pls.. if u use ruler to measure i am sure got at least some length lo... plus the colour is so wrong! worse than any floating spirits around lo... Haiyo and always give that head tilt 20 degrees and smile without showing teeth to look at people.. aww so innocent..Try harder la girl.. i know u dont have large eyes so u have to make use of this 20 degree rule to make ur eyes look bigger and distinct.. whatever la.. I am sorry but i really dislike such gals... can u like show more ur inner beauty aura instead..sianz

Alright so today was SPE.. and was the heats for 12 X 100m race and 4 x 100m race.. O god.. i can tell u the immense pressure setting upon me just now.. phew... although my class got forth for 12 x 100m.. i still pray that we are in... Then again, my team for 4x100m got 1ST!!!!! lol.. i was definitely elated.. and the gals 4x100m got 2nd!!! We are so gonna kick ass kick cock this sports day pls..

Alright...today had a wonderful quarrel wif Pua teo.. lol.. Fen Mei Mei and i were like so aggressive pls.. trying to find out who he likes besides Sammi Cheng... (inside Joke)... Tell u it was damn funny pls... everyone had a great time quarrelling.. but it was those no harm kind of quarrel la..its all BS...

After sch..met up wif Leti.. hmm.. actually its kinda weird at first because of somethings.. but then it turned out.. we have so much to talk... haha... and i was trying to insist that she dont treat me movie.. like what the? how can i let a gal i really talk for only once to treat me neh?! like so bad haiyo...but she insisted it was birthday treat la... aww...and she gave me a bdae card haha..although my bdae is tomorrow... but I am so touched..

Watched Miss Congenality... it was okay la... repeated and cliche jokes but still watchable la considering 6.50 movie....

Gosh 18 liao leh tomorrow.. feeling so good... wait... okay i am feeling good for now only la..cos haiz.. deep in my heart.. i am still waiting.. waiting for at least one sms from that person to show that at least that person acknowledge my existence..fuck la.. never mind... i have been trying not to think too much..but then once in a while.. depression sets in inevitably but i guess thats gonna last for some time... what to do... thats my life... -yawnx-

|| Benji LuStEd aT 10:40 PM ||

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Today is mixed feelings day for me... I donno if i should feel depressed or disappointed or ditched... lol

Hmm.. this is what happened..

Phone rang..

Mom: " Ben ah... this thurs alot of us wont be free to celebrate ur bdae so tonite celebrate k.."
Me: "alright"
Mom: " eh i'll buy for u cake later k... "

End of phone call

10 mins later..phone rang again...

Mom: " eh ben G.. sorry leh..i have no time to buy for u cake... aiya u so big liao don need cake la "
Me ( disappointedly but act in an its okay tone ) : "its alrite"
Mom:" K happy birthday bye "
Me: " But but..o never mind.. thanks bye "

totally dejected

And therefore today i am supposed to celebrate my birthday with my relatives but with me BUYING MY OWN CAKE...at least its something new.. o whatever la.. mom should noe that her son rite here loves cake lo.. in case she forgot... but then maybe she got her reasons la.. never mind.. at least i just bought my own cake lol... which cost me a bomb.. never mind...

Haiz so thats so called my birthday celebrated by my family.. This morning my father even better.. "Wha ur birthday very big meh.. dont need celebrate la..."

I replied: "orhx"

He smiled and said i have grown up.. ( LIKE REAL.. haha.. ) Never mind la.. thats how it should be for my 18th birthday yeah.. haha.. Anywayz for those who did read my blog in the past know that my dad dont like me... well.. as expected.. just now when my cousins were singing birthday song for me.. he went off and continued to peruse his newspaper instead..

Alright.. point taken from his actions... -speechless-

Well..he always think i am this bad boy in the house... never mind.. since u find my behavious indecorous.. there is nothing i can do... thats what i feel from my parents.. As i have mentioned earlier.. i only get financial satisfaction from my parent full stop.. no love.. no whatsoever.. well.. whatever...

Anywayz somehow.. i have been thinkin if that person remembers my birthday.. I guess that person forgets liao la..or even dont even acknowledge my existence.. i am just a play and go toy afterall..Well.. but then i still hope i could celebrate with that person even just for 1 min...
at least one sms is enough...

|| Benji LuStEd aT 8:11 PM ||

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Alrite.. so the above pics are some that are taken today at Sentosa.. still waiting for Fen Mei Mei to send over the remaining pics.. And Chee always dont want take photo..haiz... dont get to take wif Bubu and ZY also..cos they came like so late....

Anywayz today woke up damn early for Sentosa..and the number of ppl there are tremendous... It was tanning day pls.. So we took our belongings and started to spray vigorously TANNING LOTION.. i used the word vigorous to show our desperation, the extreme desire for that wonderful tan which i am so picky about..and took the DARK TANNING LOTION instead.. whatever la.. and so all of us.. tanned until i two shades darker which is happy thing for me..but then... realised i got burnt!! Red face, red shoulders... red everywhere la...

The Sun was extremely blazing at one point..that i tried my very best to fight against mother nature.. Her shine has shown us the true colours.. and thus leave red burnts all over me.. I condcede defeat... haha.. We also played Volleyball and Frisbee..and i can just die pls.. our skills of throwing is so pathetic, that the frisbee keeps hitting some gal in bikini.. hmm.. delibrately? guess so ...haha...

After sentosa went to like Bedok 85 to meet up wif Zhong Ming And Hong.. and we ate so many things la.. Minced noodle, sting ray, chicken wings, satays.. and our table like opening water bucket contest like that.. full of cans of drinks.. becos we are simply too thirsty after a whole day of fun...

After which we decided to go to this playground to talk bout many things... so funny pls.. especially when Fen Mei Mei was the only gal there..and we are like.. er.. then we talked bout ghost stuffs..and eventually, Fen MEi Mei was too scared to go home la...So i offered to send her home lo... dont say i not good hor.. Then went to her house there at Telok Kurau, then played wif her HONEY.. the dog is such a cutie pls..quite hyperactive though..

Alrite.. shall stop blogging for today.. cos i am really too tired to continue..

|| Benji LuStEd aT 12:15 AM ||

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Today got back my freaking Chem Results.. was expected to like fail it..but i didnt.. phew.. cos thanks to this thing call INTERNET..

i am addicted to surf it at least an hour lo.... and therefore never study.. Gonna get my priorities right soon....

Today had Softball for PE..totally speechless pls.. the Teacher is so so boring that he tries to make us laugh by saying things liike what 2-in-1 stretching exercise.. like whatever pls.. Today is very humid too..sweating like mad as i did my GP hw.. hmm...

Then i was like er so sian today only Tues.. then Chee was like its Wed pls..then i remembered have to take care of my grandpa today.. gosh super fucked... but then i went to help Chee buy his pressie for someone.. ( dont let me catch u wooing gal hor ).. then went to Bubu house for a while scheming through all the diisgusting videos that are so funny pls... and we watched South Park Movie..like so racist and vullgar pls..its just for laugh la...

Today went home, was totally irritated by the state of my house... it was like the other younger bros take this house for granted lo...okay maybe they are still young..but have some courtesy to pack ur stuffs.. soak ur socks bla bla.. it was like total hotel for them.. and i as the eldest became Servant Ben... pick socks, wash cllothes, throw rubbish, iron clothes.. Fuck la..make me miss some parts of my American Idol.... then have to teach my bro hw b4 mom returns home..

Guess what?

She scolded me..and said i never help to take care of the family... and that i am living in the world of myself in my room.. O great... Fuck la..

Then she was like see even ur aunt helped to iron ur clothes b4 she went out... I remained silent.. Whatever... okay i am lazy alrite.. u can just so kiss ur dearest youngest boy with total passion like i care...

Alright... so now gonna check ma mails and off to sleep baby...

|| Benji LuStEd aT 10:03 PM ||

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Word for de day: DUMB

Yes..i am dumb dumb Benji rite here! Guess what? had Swensens just now wif Hong, Wei lyn, Fernie, Bubu and had this Chicken baked Rice.. it was not nice btw..but thats not the point.. What happened was..as a cheese lover, i saw this bottle of tiny grains and was shaking lots of it into my baked rice.. But never did i realised after Hong told me, its actually salt! like how dumb can one be? i shall say HOW DUMB CAN I BE?

Tried to eat the salted Baked Rice.. but it was horrendously plain! and tried to add some curry.. it became alrite but still salty and disgusting..kaoz.. Then came the Strawberry Ice Cream which was the neutraliser... Phew...

This morning worse, my eyes are officially located right in my butt... Like what the.. was reading intently Summer's extremely nice short stories that she wrote, and i almost banged into this J1 and as if it wasnt good enough, i was trying to apply pimple cream due to my sudden outbreak and one squeeze, it splurted onto my shirt..majiam its new fashion like that..pls.. its disaster..no its CALAMITY... Shitty day...

Dont want blog liao la! Now gonna do ma Egg Mayonnaise.. hmm wonder if its nice? feel like a house husband lol.. but then do it for who neh? MYSELF!!! yeah... whatever...

|| Benji LuStEd aT 9:15 PM ||

Monday, March 21, 2005

Today sch reopens! Eager to see all ma frens so ya... I guess be watchin "The Eye 10" wif Fernie.. i shall make sure she and i scream until we die.. but who noes? maybe it isnt as nice as we thought.. Btw, after much discussion er.. Fernie and I have decided to go SENTOSA this FRIDAY... Anyone interested pls contact us lol.... Cos we have decided we love the SUN more than anything else for this week!

MR SUN, do coorperate pls, dont show only ur "want to die" that kind of Sunlight, We expect more SHINE k... show us how hot u r 'ooo' , Friday's de day for ya to "BOAST UR LUSTRE" haha..

Okay so today did not sleep well thanks to my grandma and phone radiation lol.. Grandma is excited to go Genting but woke up at 3 like what the? and thought its like 5.. and so as i am sensitive to ppl walking around ma house, i woke up... And yesterday nite i supposed to like sleep after a phone call, i heard the disgusting self boasting Xu CHun MEi, almost sent me to my grave pls... She thinks she is so irresistable like what the... Her voice is phenomenal, her speech is even mind blowing experience... i was left agaped with sheer 'pleasure'...Faintx...

And dumb Di messaged me at like donno what time and so i woke up too lo...lol and i messaged him back at 5 something, and he is on the way to work.. DiaoZzz...Anywayz, i was happy for him though.. u noe what i mean -winkz- Pls dont throw all ur sugary hormones that u developed from ur ahem... jk.. really happy for u la dumb boy...

Then there was this person who messaged me out of the blue and i was shocked... hmm.. it was like so long since i talked to her.. hmm..well, it was a good ending though haha... i shant elaborate..

So today after sch wif my half awake eyes, went to the hospital and was greeted by an hour wait for the doctor.. like er..

-IN THE MEANWHILE-

This lean and gorgeous woman in her twenties sauntered out from a room, o my..she is a doctor.. As she walked pass with that sexay posture, everyone including that ah ma beside me who fell asleep, was astounded and mesmerised by her elegance.. Even my mother couldnt agree further that she was the prettiest doctor ever... But then...

-Back to topic-

My mum seems to be more interested in my doctor..lol who is in his 30s.. okay handsome looking guy and also look like those greek guys that are big built and have that whole package...Hmm... YAY from my mum but "okay la" from me... mum must be so wanting to be the patient instead.. what the hell.. But i dont mind her having a fling with him lol... o no..i cannot believe i just said that.. okay choy!

Then i was sent to this other room then to the pharmacy.. haiz.. it was all so boring and long hours... hmm.. so now i am at home procrastinating for awhile... before i get back into study mood...

|| Benji LuStEd aT 6:31 PM ||

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Hmm.. i need to seriously sit down and think through this bugging question that has been bugging me.. i am so irritated by this question and that is

"Why am i turning yellow day by day?"

Okay this is serious alrite, ever since i not in sailing anymore ( which i REALLY so YEARN to sail again!!!!!! ), my skin turned yellow, i am serious.. not even some shades of dark..its like a big big banana pls and i can now visualise how DARK Fen Mei Mei is.. -sobx- fucking jealous lo.... she be like sneering me kaoz... so dark so what?! Fernie dont laugh lo i noe u Evil grining now.. I DONT WANNA BE YELLOW GHOST..

Dont care liao, i wanna go sentoSA!!! to tan till my face red red.. Eh peeps interested bo ( doubt so ) ? maybe can go during this Good Friday hehe... Then i was thinkin and found out i want so many things...lol

:: board shorts
.:: Wax or clay
..:: new phone ( which i am still picky with )
...:: New Bag
....:: Cute notebook Peng

o actually not alot of things la ah.. i am just simple alrite... i guess i have more wants of where to go.. i wanna go Zouk definitely soon... hehe... i am counting down already... -Dreams-

Well, gonna try to do hw liao ciaoz

|| Benji LuStEd aT 6:46 PM ||

Sian Diao!!!!

I am so not gonna catch any more Korean DramA!! After so many hours of pursuing this Korean Drama by the name of MEMORIES OF BALI... and i was so anticipating to noe the ending whether which guy ( one rich one poor) would that stupid gal would choose... and u noe what?!

They all died!!

My aunt and i were totally taken aback... It was like so "Du lan" pls... i am not saying they cannot die.. its just that they can die if its a movie sort of thing which last for 2 hours.. Not some drama that lasted for more than 20 hours! haha.. What the hell...

I was so depressed lo at first.. okay i noe i shouldnt be watchin sad melo dramas.. but well, its new ma so may as well kind of thing... and yes, fucking waste my time and a drop of tear... go and die la.. But i must say the whole drama except the Ending is really nice.. I am so jealous of the Rich guy and the girl's relationship..so sweet..

I shant continue.. YEs Cher i noe..

" EARTH CALLING BENJI! DING DONG! "

|| Benji LuStEd aT 6:09 PM ||

Today i am so exhausted....

Initially went out with Zach Di de.. then surprisingly he brought along Edi...hmm..lol... Kinda weird at first, cos cos, okay never mind.. so we went to PS to catch movie lo... then was walking aimlessly, while we ate this XXL chicken PA haha... nice nice... Then after a while Edi left to meet someone... Lucky did not meet ( ).. otherwise i can just kill myself....

So me and Zach were like talking and talking then went over to Hemisphere.. and i love the place please.. cos the decoration and ambience is so relaxing paradise.. Went there to meet Ray.. alrite.. didnt noe him but after a while realised he is such a outgoing yet matured person i would say lol.. And please lo Zach keeps saying i slut... wth..

After movie, met up with Ray again.. he wanted to watch with us but u noe..PS always fully book that kind..and so we walked and walked until like City Hall...lol.. its just basically walking today cos NO MONEY ma... Sian diao... but we did chat alot at Esplanade there.. hmm... interesting conversations we had.. haha... The place is perfect la k.. then saw this really classy restaurant.. Interesting Deco lo... but sure damn ex.. it be like go in cannot come out that kind...

Hmm... as we talked, memories beseiged me again... definitely i aint feeling good now..haiz..

|| Benji LuStEd aT 12:32 AM ||

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Aye wells.. since someone thinks my apology is so not sincere and nonsensical as well as laughing material, fine i shall ignore.. okay maybe this entry sounded threatening.. well i only wanted to say yes i am sorry that i put words into ur mouth unknowingly, and i did scold u fuck off in MSN... but u must understand its hard for me at that time too, next time why not u set the time first then we shall all comply to what u planned.. Its gonna be endless if u keep rambling on like come on, thats what friendship is for? after so long just because of such a small trivial stuffs.. o well, if u wanna continue with this destroying of life thingy, i am fine with it... u can carry on...

O wells, today is Saturday and Schs reopening soon... Yeah! gotta see the teachers soon! like what the hell!

The Return Of MARY LIM EpISODE 2 is Back!!! I got VIP SEATS though.... cant wait to watch her movie debut! follow by THE GORGEOUS MARY Private PARTY whoa!...
Dress code applies: Only School Uniform allowed..
no cover charge...
Only invited guests with MCQ book allowed..
one for one after 12.45pm...
R n B throughout...
Let the party starts...Whee...

|| Benji LuStEd aT 11:14 AM ||

today watched this really interesting movie.. hehe.. its in French and i loved International Movies... Cause they are so classy and intriguing... U never noe what will happen next... And this movie has achieved what i called A-grade horror movie... Whee...

Its called White Skin

( Warning spoiler ahead )

Its interesting because unlike the typical Japanese horror flicks, they dont have the usual long permed-halfway-hair woman, o they do but the casts are much more gorgeous... And they dont have those sudden pom-ing action just to test out the so called Digital Technology... So how is it scary? well, its the atmosphere and the psychology that works so well that we as movie-goers have no fucking idea what is actually happening...

We only know there are two horny guys who tried out some hookers each... and suddenly this hooker who is pretty hot tries to kill this guy and managed to escape... Then we are zoomed in to this blonde guy who falls deeply in love with this gal who is apparently so weird.. and we realised she has cancer ( like how typical korean drama one may say)... and how is it even a horror movie?

Well the thing is it looks like a romance story of this guy against all odds still likes this cancer gal who is dying.. But what is interesting comes during the part when after sex, this gal actually went to eat the semen in the condom.. sounds gross? well, we realised the gal did not even suffered from cancer, cause she has no hormonal effects upon testing... And the doctor who is so interested in her condition disappears suddenly... Hmm.. And the guy realised more than what he wanted to noe.. They broke into her house to find the truth but realised the house was vacant...hmm..

And remember the hooker? she is actually the sister of the cancer gal and she warned that guy from interfering into her life by treathening to fuck his friend so hard that he can just die... sounds so vicious eh... she threatened the friend by grabbing his dick through his pants lol.. so eew...

So whats the ending? hehe.. the sisters are actually cannibalS... a mutant of human, they depend on human flesh to survive..

Very nice la de movie... go catch it.... its m18 btw but its at Cathay so ya... Cathay has no censorship remember? I got in through own tearing of tickets.. haha the usher was gone..like what the hell...

Whee.. i go watch some korea drama le..o btw there is this play by toy factory bout this gay man and a straight man... think its very nice... do catch it.. directed by Beatrice Chia... its called PORCELAIn (RA)... tickets are at $26.. its nice k.. i always trust toy factory production.. still remember got this play called BENT but dont get a chance to catch it.. And this play called Vagina Monologue and The Singapore Flava or something forget liao..all like very nice...

O and i watched this milk shake porn clip...which is circulated around the net.. i was totally puking! haha... it was horrible..some extremely fat porn woman shaking her boobs.. and i watched this gross clip bout this jap gal using a fork to poke her eyes and dig it out while eating it... i like it though..but not for the faint hearted... i feel so sadistic now.. -Evil laughs-

|| Benji LuStEd aT 12:13 AM ||

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Pardon me for my 15 Seconds of COMPLAINTs....

......
....
..
.

-Breathes hard-

What the fuck la! Stupid weather today so fucking sultry hot that i am so per cher.. not that i dont love the Sun..The Sun is very important to me, but i dont expect u to Emblaze me pls! i am not in hell ya noe?! BTw.. my head fucking hurts alrite, donno why, but that headache dont seem to go off, having acute agonies pls! Argg... Mr Sun, u can burn me like i care tomorrow, but not TODAY! fuck it!

DONE! lol -feels better-

|| Benji LuStEd aT 6:14 PM ||

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Gosh..i have C.o.N.f.E.s.S.i.O.n.S to make lol -sweats-

oh no... i had a really interesting dream... its so sinful! haha... but i cant stop what i am dreaming rite? hmm.. ahem -clears throat- ... Its not a wet dream la... its an intense yet wrong dream lol...

And u be like.. Benji what the fuck u dream la?! want tell and dont tell....

Okay okay... i dreamt of me involved in a three-way kissing fiesta... lol.. it was with Natalie portman at first.. We were at this cafe not in Singapore, then Natalie Portman saw me and asked me if i kissed before, then before i could react, she frenched me, saying she likes me lol! and then Julian Hee came along, and was shock at me kissing Natalie Portman. Then, i went to a toilet after the kiss, then Julian Hee pushed me against the wall and kissed me, saying how he is jealous seeing me kiss her! like WTF? HAHA! Then Natalie Portman was irate but she donno why could not resist but joined in and we kissed each other... Then i woke up le.. PenGZZz....

Told ya its sinful!! oh no...... Not that i dont think they are hot..THEY ARE okay.. lol... it simply shows how deprived of love i am and how i yearn for kissing lol... haha.. tell me i am not abnormal?! okay i noe i am not normal... but why on earth did i dream of such thing....

Natalie is my total turn straight factor and Julian is my total turn gay factor..lol..

Anywayz, dreams aside, i was sick today... Bleahzz... Didnt feel good..maybe cos the weather sucks la..But i did study a little today..ironically...

Hmm.. i think i am getting out of my mind! someone please help me!!! -nods head-

|| Benji LuStEd aT 9:42 PM ||

My eyes are like so tired...writing with my eyes halfway closed..feel like plucking my eyes out and spray with water..lol lame..

Haiz... Quarrelled with Mum again..Thanks to my fucking brother who complained to her why i can come back home so late...Wait, it was one sided quarrel actually cos i did not speak a word..

She blurted lots of hurtful stuffs.. but well.. i guessed i have grown up, i did not shout back anymore like i used to... i just remained silence and agreed to whatever fuck she says...like i give a fuck if i rebutt and so everything ends, mum still not finish.. continue to storm into my room to scream.. treated her like a hyena that needs to make its last scream.. and so, screaming ends.. I almost broke down by her words.. Could not believe my mum actually said such nasty things.. that kind you would rather not live anymore.. But i aint gonna let her think i am weak.. i will move on... I cannot believe no one in my family believes in me.. they just think i am rebellious thing and most probably abnormal..

Well, sometimes, i really feel its better for me to stay at someone's house for a few days, i feel happier.. why should i believe in my family when no one really interested in my life? yes they care but its all cause its their responsibilities as parents to care for me in terms of studies and well being... but they did not realise, their boy rite here is a fucking piece of shit rottening everyday, trying to fix whatever detrimented holes he has in his already wounded soul...

Fuck it la.. dont like to say much bout my family life...

And so it is.. ZY called me to discuss many things... haiz...

This afternoon, finally after so many days never see my Zach Di, chatted with him... yeah! lol... And so went to meet him in the afternoon as well as new friends, Danny And Hong Rui... Guess what? i was late and therefore kena diao-ed by Di..lol.. Dumb dumb.... and whats new? went to watch Boogeyman again..lol.. but okay la since can get to see my dearest Di after so long..haha... He very flirt lo..kns..alrite shant elaborate...

Anywayz, he was scared of the movie.. er..really that scary meh? grab my hands so many times.. not pai seh ah! lol..aiya of course never mind la.. my Di leh...love him lots! -muackz- lol then this couple sitting at the corner disgusted both of us...eew..making out like as if if they dont do it today, tomorrow they will be banished like that....kaoz

Then Danny and hong Rui are kinda nice people.. lol seriously, so glad to know them... Then about evening time, gave Di a hug and went to meet my old secondary friends..they are the sweetest bunch of ppl please... We were like catching up so much and walking aimlessly lol... then ended up in Esplanade ...whoa!! so romantic !! cannot believe how breathtaking the view is ..and the best part.. its DARK! lol

Good for hanky panky eh? but not too good for most ppl cause u need certain sophistication of skills to be able to find one really blind spot to make out..and mind u.. security is pretty tight wor...

Well o great what a fantastic day! whoa..happy happy....

|| Benji LuStEd aT 1:37 AM ||

Ahem.. its been ages since i update my blog lol... let me see, i am a little in a whirl rite now, after reading some articles for so long.. -mind blank-

Lets see, Monday was interesting... went out with Aurelia in the evening.. That was when our movie-a-thon starts... and basically, the whole evening programme is something like extreme dieting regime..lol... AT first we watched Spongebob Squarepants which i simply love that movie.. i am addicted! lol cant help it..especially Patrick the star fish, i love him!! damn cute la.. its interesting to realise that i can actually fall in love with cartoon characters like what the hell? Then we were chatting and i became cheeky ...hehe

I was like hmm JAs, lets go watch Boogeyman! lol... and she was like "set!" oh wells so we went PS to watch Boogeyman... And she was like keep telling me she wants to drink "virgin Magarita" like whatever la huh... its actually simply means Strawberry Smoothies.. peng...almost sent me straight to hell.. Then we played the DDR to burn out the calories that we ate just now..lol.. she was like "what the"... and so, rite before we entered the cinema, we had a little bit of exercise... Next time should ask her go run 5 km with me too..haha..girls should train more lo....otherwise how to maintain figure?

Then Boogeyman starts...

Trailer of The Eye 10, gal hair suddenly appear
JAs Screams!
Opening scene
Boy switch off lights
crows fly
JAS SCREAMS! lol... like what the..

and so i asked her to try to anticipate what is going to happen.. And i asked her to cover her mouth and eyes..

Man Opens door
No Boogeyman
JAs SCREAMS aGain! haha

Oh no... she is so funny please... only gal screaming throughout i guess.. from not scary to extreme adrenaline for people within 20 m radius lol... haha.. but she was brave.. she made it through! isnt she so adorable? -hugx-

Then since its getting late and she is quite scared la i think, so i offered to send her home.. walked to her house there and i was so cheeky..haha.. trying my best to scare her even more..okay i am rubbish..but life must full of such things then fun ma... Then i was so naughty.. went to ask JAs to call C to tell her i like her... pengZ...C can just faint please..cos she is butch lol! and a guy like a butch? er...

|| Benji LuStEd aT 1:17 AM ||

Monday, March 14, 2005

Just now, i am unsure why but i was staring hard onto the ceiling and felt really pms today lol... I mean, guys do get some of the days feeling not to talk to anyone for the day and just think or stare blankly onto the ceiling. Then the next thing i noe, i was taking a nap....

Then i was dreaming bout some things then i felt something pressing against my chest. Because i am sensitive of everything. Like when my mum just go out of the kitchen and wants to enter my room, she will always realise that i have already expected her arrival. Donno why but i have this thing in me to detect who is around me by 20 radius walking towards me lol...

And so i opened my eyes and to my surprise, it was valerie lying on my chest with her eyes closed and sleeping soundly like a puppy.. hehe.. Man was that really sweet, although she did salivate onto my shirt but thats not the point... I was so scared to fidget, cause i do not want to discrupt her sleep. She was the cutest i tell you. Then i gradually and carefully positioned myself and placed her head gently on her cute little pillow and took a blanket to cover her legs. I was staring at her like she was my precious treasure. boy! she is such a cutie pie.. aww...

okay i am digressing again..

how i wish my love one would lie beside me... ( blush ) aiya dont tell you all such things liao la..before cher they all come and "House of Flying Dagger" me.. lol! k la..go watch movie le ciaoZ

|| Benji LuStEd aT 12:28 AM ||

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Yesterday nite was ROUGE PARTY! lol... supposedly a TPJC event la... But yesterday's bouncer was such a bitch! She bounced so many people out like whatever lo... Anywayz, the crowd was like not many people, and the music sucks! Hmm... Only after like 12 when the music starts to change and becomes more R n B...

Was dancing happily with Amanda and Elaine.. Lol.. Then Roy was quite cute too, i was laughin all the way please as he danced with me as well as his gal fren, Cheryl... ZY was tired but donno he had fun not... I certainly had some fun although its kinda boring...

Someone "teh" my butt.. like what the fuck! Tell me honestly that he crave for my butt la..then i will let him "teh" lol.. Its a guy somemore.. peng... I think he saw the wrong butt and therefore 'teh-ed' my butt because its of the most resemblance to the gal he wants to squeeze lol.. Anywayz, it was not as bad as i thought.. and Eunice was like so drunk... haiz... When i officially 18 which is like 2 more weeks.. i shall go ZOUK! hehe

Alrites, shall go do my stuffs...

|| Benji LuStEd aT 2:08 PM ||

Thursday, March 10, 2005

O great.. my eyes are twitchin.. BAD OMEN... and i am exhausted as i perused through so many entries from this person's blog which i find so interesting.. lol... Though i do not know him, but his entries about his relationships with gals as well as guys really amuses me.. Hmm ...

Then today went to do this so called "GENUINE WEIGHING SYSTEM" lol... and guess what? here are the results..

BMI: 20.8
BODY FATS: 12.2%
WEIGHT: 68.8 (WTF)
HEIGHT: 182
CALORIES: 1758 Kcal

Everything was normal except that i was immediately stunned by my sudden change in my body mass... OH NO!! a more than 5 percent INFLATION OF MY BODY!!! peng..its not funny k... no one would endorse me for SLIM 10 or EXTRIM lo ...haha.. From my confident 64 kg to a totally disheartening 68.8Kg in less than 3 weekS! what the hell! O NO!! I am not fAT! thats not the point... Its a matter of what did i actually eAT!? Piangzzz

Can u imagine three more weeks i be like 72kg and goes on and u will experience a new fatter me! lol... I am so gonna control my diet... not say dont eat la.. but i would try my best to cut down on fast food..and eat more fruits..

TARGET: at least 2 fruits per day and 2 servings of Veggies and only 1 serving of meat...

And o well.. Was with HZY today to discuss somethings and boy was i so tired by all the relationship stuffs and all.. well i offered some advice.. and TADA! good news from him just now.. Shant say much...haha

Today was such a bad bad day...lol it will be strict exercise REGIME and NO MORE FOOLING around understand BENJI huh?! -SLAPS- -NODS head frantically-... And someone from tpjc apologise to me.. i felt so guilty.. i mean i was also partly wrong la... anyone no harsh feelings already... And i was amazed or rather relieved to find out that many people are actually BISEXUALs... YEah!! at least someone knows what i feel... Hmm.. shall sign off now..wa la!

|| Benji LuStEd aT 8:47 PM ||

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

FIGHT OF THE LUBRICATING GEL (NC 16 - sexual diaglogues)

This is fucking ridiculous please. -just kill me!-

My mom called and asked: " Aye Ben, yesterday your father said that u have gel on ur table "

I recalled and search frantically and replied: "Where got?"

She continued: "Why u buy that kind of gel?"

I snapped: "What gel la? hair gel i got use what cannot?!"

Then she asked again in a serious tone: "U noe what is it use for not?"

"For hair la! duh!" i replied wif that diaoZ look

"NO! i am talking bout the lubricating gel on your table.. Your dad and i have been thinkin alot yesterday.. u noe what is it used for not? its for sexual intercourse where u..." She explained intently as if she is the sex goddess (peng).

"STOP!" i immediately interrupted. "I DID NOT HAVE SEX RECENTLY ALRIGHT!" PEngZzz

I was shocked. Like come on.. i bought that lubricating gel for fun alright, i did not have sex with anyone. Plus it has flavour and cute ma.. and for heaven gracious sake.. why would i need lubricating gel for sex when i have sophisticated skills of foreplay.. Like whatever.. lol.. jk

"U dont cause worries alright. If a gal gets pregnant how?"

"I didnt la!" i retorted

"U did right? did u use properly?" She was actually amused! Like watever

"NEVER LA!" I was pissed wif laughter... haha

"Dont tell me u use it to play with other guys?"

U noe what? at this point. I am speechless. Is she my mum? Like come on.. my mother actually thinks i have sex with another guy too!! o no.. Fine.. And she was trying hard to explain to me all the what ifs. I am sure i noe more positions and precautions then her! lol

Like come on! I noe what i am doing please. Then i asked her: " pls lo got see any condoms at my table meh? and thats so rude of u all to search my table!" I rebuked... (in actual fact i do have a condom in my drawer lol but thats not the point)

Totally ridiculous. And thanks to this lubricating gel, my mum thinks i am gay and likes to fuck gals.. LOL.. Fine... Ironic pls... DIAOzzz..

|| Benji LuStEd aT 7:57 PM ||

Late for school today again..like wtf lol.. it was really the bus fault lo... took the earlier bus somemore.. Well i thought my civics tutor was pissed with me.. so with my fingers crossed, i went in front of him and apologise with that -o u so plastic smile- ^_^

Then Pok Pok, Chowtee and Simin was there and therefore NEUTRALISE my punishment - so to speak- lol... Anywayz, today was supposed to like meet June. This auntie ah...forever bitchy one leh..lol so am i! so we are on par... So I was with nicole, jill, yang, mich they all for a while of talking.. Then met up with June and Lao Niang a.k.a Glenda on MRT.. hehe..

Its been like months since i met up with that tall-until-like-donno-what 'damsel' named JUNE lol... She ah still as tall lo, high Centre of gravity, push liao will fall... Then somemore walk with me.. We are the tallest around la.. lol... So of course we are like so damn excited to BURST out EVERYTHING that we have not updated each other.. lol.. She is supposed to prepare a speech alrite... So yeah, gave her several shocking news of me since the last time we met.. She was trying hard to accept and consolidate the information haha... Then she also updated her life to me.. So fun la.. was talking non-stop although i was really tired.

Then she said i have changed alot (towards the negative side).. Haiz... well i told her what to do:

firstly TPJC is like so fucking boring and depressing environment.
Secondly i am too jaded with anything.
Thirdly, i am cynical of many things and dont feel like socialising at all..

Well, if u think i have not changed, make some noise! lol lame.. Well looks like i have to surrender, YES I HAVE CHANGED... No more enthusiastic, confident, cheerful and humorous Benji... Only left wif, disgusting, diffident, pessimistic, non-chalent Benji...

Why?

I seriously dont noe what to say. Its just that i really hope i can get back the old Benji, the old self... People.. give me some time to rejuvenate... :)

|| Benji LuStEd aT 6:31 PM ||

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Melancholy...

Thats the word for the day... I cannot believe just now i scolded my mum. She was too much. She is such an unreasonalbe person. I cannot believe i need to fucking scold her to get her realise what she said was really hurtful. She was like non stop Missile launching device.. like as if her brains cannot filter the things she should never say out. Totally crap! Like come on, she is my mother! She should be the one scolding me.

I did not quarrel wif her. She was quarreling wif my father. And i fuckin hate that. Yes they are loving, but so what? i dont really like my family anyway. I hate to go back home everyday listening to their petty quarrels.

It really hurts me. I FUCKIN DONT LIKE IT! Why cant they be more peaceful. As if my life aint bad enough. YEs they do care for me, but thats just financially and only care for me whether i am back at home or not. As if they fuckin care if i fuck around or dont go home. I dont think they even noe my presence sometimes.

But i noe they still love each other. But the rate at which my unreasonable mum shoots out from her mouth, her acidic mouth can just offset their love for each other i tell u. No one can ever imagine how bimbo and hurtful my mum is when she is angry for no apparent reason. Soon, they may even divorce. Like am i surprise? No, hell no!... Its just a matter of time.. its not a joke, its getting real. Fuck la..spoil my mood

Rite now, i seriously need someone to realise that i really aint a bad person alrite, i am just a boy that has really weird thoughts, aimless wanders and donno what i want. I need someone to guide me pls. I must get up once again. I am getting lifeless day by day. Cynical is the word. Like what the fuck? i was optimistic once was i? now i dont even want to socialise, cos i cant trust ppl easily anymore. I hate to be cheated and fucked once again. I dont need ppl to love me and tell me they fancy me or what, if u really do, prove that u can bring me back to normal again.

I need to wash my face to get myself up again.

Okay get back my jaded feelings.. tomorrow when i go to sch, i shall tell myself that the day ahead would be better. I hope it will. O before i forget..

Zhong Ming HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U! -big big hug-

|| Benji LuStEd aT 11:34 PM ||

Thursday, March 03, 2005

FucK fuCk !! so Many homework and tomorrow is my fuckin A level Chinese Results -panting-

I am so fed up by everything... I need someone to console me, or perhaps wake me up inside.lol cos i am still not touchin my homework for tomorrow.. And Fuckin Mary Lim took over maths period and therefore 4 full periods of ECONOMICS... LIKE WTF! I am so not in the mood rite now.. this feeling suckX big big time...

-calms down-

anywayz.. I think i like someone.. someone i am not supposed to like.. its worse than liking a guy lol... but well its only like...and its impossible pls cos its wrong...lol..definitely a crush... whatever la.. Clue? lol cos i noe ZY is contemplating now.. and trying to spread my RUMOURS.. fuck la...haha.. its not A GUY! and pls she is very old.. haha.. fullstop

|| Benji LuStEd aT 6:20 PM ||

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Papaya Bath

Today was havoc.. I tried lots of new stuffs...lol... like this papaya scrub.. it was slimy and nice smell at first... Then i started to whoop some out and scrub my whole body... to my utter horror... The smell got more pungent as time pass.. Its like the smell is directly proportional to the time.. lol... and so i started to use dove to counter the smell and Wala, i came out of the bathroom and smell like Papaya kena raped by milk.. I am PAPAYA MILK GUY! lol... whatever la...

This morning, i was depressed. you noe why? cause i lost my beloved pencil case which is to me very unique pls.. Cos its a jeans..haha... I was like telling huifen wif that act pathetic face "i love it alrite! without it, there is no more meaning in continuing my life!" lol... she almost fainted and laughed until MAry Fuckin Lim scolded us... haha... But well, i was contemplating all the way..

I will kill that person who found it and say its his/hers... kns.. Like come on, as if my life not bad enough, pencil case also ppl want to steal away from me... Finding death ah! and so was searchin frantically and finally found it hanging in the lost and found area... lol... I was relieved... haha

So y the fuck am i at home so early? Well i got GP presentation to complete..sobX.. and lots of homework... And o, i am still thinkin whether to go to the 11th March Rouge party.. sounds like a 'big' event like that.. haha.. like i said.. it sounded like... Like as if alot of TPJCians will go clubbin like that... anyway i shall go for my message now.. Cos my mum wanted me go and complete the course... HEre i come Ms Massager haha.. ( Disclaimer: The ladies there are aunties alright and no EXTRA SERVICE provided lol )

|| Benji LuStEd aT 4:52 PM ||