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Sunday, July 10, 2005

The following content is purely for pleasure reading, no offence =)

The Art Of Farting

Farting in scientific terms is called flatulence. To many cultures, farting is considered an embarrassing and shy subject. There are many euphemism of relations to farting, such as

Chemical Welfare
Bombing of the anus
Butt Lauching
Fire in the hole
Silent Kill
Bomb of death

Ppl may laugh.. but thats a natural process... it is actually the reactions of bacterias that give rise to a series of gases which is released due to the pressure created in the anus causing the 'bombing' reaction... lol

For guys, it is in fact a natural global phenomenom.. in fact many guys find it real fun to see who could fart the loudest, like as if they are in some war manifestation.. and most of the time they just let it off and laugh at how loud they can actually produce.. haha..

For girls, its a case more of relation to a sin. in fact farting to them is so unpleasant, they developed the so called art of farting throughout the millenium, causing a series of non-explosive mechanisms in their body. they conceal, they hide, thats what they are at best but guess what! its time to unravel the mysteries of girls that fart..

The following applies more towards girls in order to uphold her modesty and image. The number one best concealer method requires 5 major steps:

1) When u are about to fart, curb the pressure inside.. but u must never give up..

2) while in a conversation, try to smile more and buy time, cos there is an impending bomb on the way

3) try to diffuse it gradually.. but if it seems to explode, DO NOT TILT UR BUTT.. it will ignite World War 3.. lol

4) Just as u about to 'bomb', immediately syncronise ur conversation volume.. And hurry add in words like " ACTUALLY HOR!! " " LOOK AT THAT GIRL OVER THERE " while u pressed hardly against the sofa.. the softer the better..

5) there u go, u have just 'bombed' and u think its over? nope.. it comes wif accessories - odour.. and so u have 10 seconds to evacuate.. Hurry say u want to go toilet.. and smile.. and there u go, u have diffused the bomb effectively..

Such skills are not easy, but there is a limitation to it.. If u realise u are gonna produce really loud fart... i suggest u evacuate almost immediately. This nuclear bombing from the butt will instantly kill u even if u have the most capability to prevent farting.. Then again, u should pray for a loud fart.. at least it is generally odourless.. U can just act that u have dropped something and ppl wont really notice u..

If everything fails, thats alright there is plan B.. Say that u just farted and its loud.. never mind.. act calm and immeidately blame the person in front giving that disgusted look " HEy, Why u fart! " That would do ..lol

NOW FOR THE ULTIMATE TURN OFF

FART while having sex.. this is the most turn off thing that can ever happen..u may laugh at this but u may actually be the victim of such an awkward situation.. There is nothing u can actually do but to control ur diet for the nite, try to cut down food wif complex carbs.. like milk and bread which is the main culprit for farting..

However, farting can be the funniest if u add it wif laughter.. this will cause exploding laughters from everyone.. Like come on, as if laughin on certain issues arent enough.

Laughter + Fart = Laughter wif tears..
Trust me.. lol

And there are signs when a girl just farted..

1) have u notice how some girls suddenly talked so loudly
2) She keeps adjusting her seat
3) She suddenly did a silent kill by tilting slowly to one side

So remember, next time when u gonna fart, follow the 5 steps to diffuse 'the bomb'.. haha

|| Benji LuStEd aT 7:26 PM ||